Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.

 A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

 Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

 Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

 You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

 Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?

 Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

 Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?

 Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?

 Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?

 Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?

  Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"? Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"?

 Why is it called rush hour when everything moves so slow?

 Why is abreviation such a long word?

 If sour milk is used to make yogurt, how do you know when yogurt has gone bad?

 Why do kamikazee pilots wear helmets?

 Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

 Why call it "take" a dump, when you leave something behind?

 If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

 If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they stick Teflon on the pan?

 Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

 It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

 You can't have everything, where would you put it?

 Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.

 When you're swimming in the creek, and an eel bites your cheek, that's a moray!

 When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

 Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

 Why Isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

 If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

 The pen is mightier than the sword -- if the sword is very small and the pen is real sharp.

 Call me insane one more time and I'll eat your other eye!

 The trouble with doing nothing is that you never know when you are finished

 Money isn't everything, but at least it encourages relatives to stay in touch.

 What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?

 If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?