Have you ever wondered why
foreigners have trouble with the English Language?
Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
Give
a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish
and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine
for doing well.
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why is it that when you transport something by car,
it's called a shipment, but when you transport something
by ship, it's called cargo?
You know that little indestructible black box that
is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out
of the same substance?
Why is it called a TV "set" when you only
get one?
Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it
begins ringing?
Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result
is the same?
Why is it called a "building" when it is
already built?
Why do they call them "apartments" when
they are all stuck together?
Why is it when two planes almost hit each other
it is called a "near miss"? Shouldn't it be called
a "near hit"?
Why is it called rush hour when everything moves
so slow?
Why is abreviation such a long word?
If sour milk is used to make yogurt, how do you know
when yogurt has gone bad?
Why do kamikazee pilots wear helmets?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because
they taste funny?
Why call it "take" a dump, when you leave
something behind?
If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil
come from?
If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they stick Teflon
on the pan?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they
do "practice"?
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its
burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
You can't have everything, where would you put it?
Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
When you're swimming in the creek, and an eel bites
your cheek, that's a moray!
When you go into court you are putting yourself in
the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get
out of jury duty.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some
people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Why Isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for
you.
The pen is mightier than the sword -- if the sword
is very small and the pen is real sharp.
Call me insane one more time and I'll eat your other
eye!
The trouble with doing nothing is that you never
know when you are finished
Money isn't everything, but at least it encourages
relatives to stay in touch.
What do you do when you see an endangered animal
that is eating an endangered plant?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless
or naked?
